How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
