I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
