Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
