He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
