beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
