he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
