oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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