Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Randomize
