I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
