If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Randomize
