So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
