When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
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