He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
