I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
