i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
