Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Semen is not good for contacts.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Im part way to drunk.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
