I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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