guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
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