Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
We have so much sex to catch up on
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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