Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
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