Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Randomize
