I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Randomize
