Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize