we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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