You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
