some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
You pole danced in your parka.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Randomize
