So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Randomize
