Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(248): View more from Michigan

I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.

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(205): View more from Alabama

what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant

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(225): View more from Louisiana

Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee

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(817): View more from Texas

he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.

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(636): View more from Missouri

I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.

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(917): View more from New York City

u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.

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(616): View more from Michigan

Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.

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(218): View more from Minnesota

Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.

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(859): View more from Kentucky

My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.

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