omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
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