My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
