i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Randomize
