remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
