did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
