what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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