"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
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