i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
