so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
