Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
