just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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