She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
