i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
