see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize