So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
