you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
