Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
