I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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