we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
