Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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