I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
