where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Randomize
