so explain again why im purple
no
i just made my gag reflex go away.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
