I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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