She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
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