Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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