Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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