Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
