YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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