I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
