I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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