why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize