It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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