Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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