Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
