dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Randomize
