It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
