Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
where does the pee come out of this thing
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
