i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
